On Choosing

“For it seemed that love was an easy thing, but my feet have fallen on difficult ways.”

“You must satisfy your judgment before engaging your affections: not love first and judge afterwards.”

“We ought neither to marry with our eyes, nor with our fingers, as some do, who reckon up on their fingers what dowry the wife will bring, not what sort of partner she will make.”

“Renounce these affections for outward forms. Love depends not on outward form or face.”

Asked what to look for in a partner, people who had been married fifty years and more said to look past the face. Character and shared outlook outlast appearance, and appearance is what changes first.

The clearest marriage advice from Americans with the longest marriages was to marry someone a lot like you. Opposites may attract, they said, but shared values are what carry a couple across decades.

Their second warning was not to hurry. Take the time to learn the person, and take the time to examine your own reasons for wanting to marry at all.

“If thou must love me, let it be for nought except for love's sake only.”

“Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.”

“Marriages are not as they are made, but as they turn out.”

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”